I’ve been trying really hard lately to not only draw, but understand why it’s been so hard for me to draw. I think I’ve figured it out somewhat, but it’s still quite a riddle to me. As if something is just mentally in my way lately.
The fist time I really remember getting into art I was 7 years old. I began drawing much more when me and mother mother moved to Montreal. As a way to escape the world, by the only way I could think of. By creating my own world on paper. One I could control.
I used to have space battles with giant invading fleets V.S my few ships with far better leadership. Or one super powerful vessel. Or I would have monster fights where I was always represented by a dragon DP (Dragon Protector) Only when I got a little older did I realize how shit an idea it was to name my spirit dragon DP...
These battles were always against my father and his evil forces! I was fighting for my freedom from him since I was 7 years old...
But, now I am free of him. Both mentally and physically... So it’s kind of like, what am I fighting for now exactly? What is my goal now with my artwork? What do I want to talk about and how to convey it..
I want to be able to convey messages with my artwork the way I did when I felt more lost and couldn’t see the forest for the trees. “Hidden grief, Splendid relief” for example. But when I was drawing things like that I felt trapped and didn’t know how to just say that. I no longer feel trapped that way.
I’m just not sure what I want to convey with my drawings right now... If that makes any sort of sense.
I’ve really been focusing on taking jot notes down, and writing my books. I’ve had two in the works for a long time and I want to see them finished. I’m thinking that once I finish them maybe that will knock something else loose, cause I simply feel like the stories I have to tell, both real and fictional can help someone avoid the dark angry place I spent so much god damn time in...
Doesn’t mean I haven’t been drawing though, half the battle is just showing up.
I pulled out my calligraphy inks and pens this week and have been doodling away. Here’s one I like that you get to see. Enjoy!
See you all next Friday if not sooner.